genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
