yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
