You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
