God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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