I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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