dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
