so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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