God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
