I wanna passion pit in your ass
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
we're so committed to being not committed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
