can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize