If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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