I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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