we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
