My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
