Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
