I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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