All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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