Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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