Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There r osticjed everywhere
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
