....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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