I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
