Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
