that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
