Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dick very happy bro
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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