Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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