his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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