Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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