would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
