i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
