Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
