I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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