Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
