Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
either way he was missing a nipple.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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