I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
