you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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