You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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