Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
