it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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