you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
