I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
