meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Please don't give away my fajitas
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
