she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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