Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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