He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
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I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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