six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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