just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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