if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
