Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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