he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
