You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
please come you make the beer taste better
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
