Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
