remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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