last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
