if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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