just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
