I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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