took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
