I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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