About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
