420 ftw
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
