You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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