I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
