At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
