Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
