you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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