I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
a search helicopter?!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
