Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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