I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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