Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
