thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
When did angry sex become our thing?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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