Need sex. Gaining weight.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
