how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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