im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
