C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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