oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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