I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize