I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
