seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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