if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
